I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
