Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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