The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
