remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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