Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
tell me about the eggs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
