pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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