They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
