im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
