I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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