I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
