I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
