The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
