I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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