Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
