i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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