i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
