Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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