What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
