Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
