Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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