I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
