Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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