you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
