My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
