My nipple is on Facebook.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
