I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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