too bad you live with your parents still
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
