Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
