I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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