You can't special order awesome
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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