There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
