Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
