plz talk dirty to me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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