i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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