He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
