I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
