I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
