College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
