Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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