One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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