def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
