Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
