doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
