i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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