I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
