I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
