She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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