No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
