Define "chronic" masturbator.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
