Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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