I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
