I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
